Gray Divorce, Grown Children

older couple quarreling

When we think of divorce, we often picture young children shuttling between two homes, coloring books in hand. But there's another group affected by marital splits -- adult children of gray divorce. But they are adults, shouldn’t they be okay?

Gray divorce, the term for couples divorcing after age 50, has been on the rise for decades. And while the parents may feel empowered to start fresh, their adult children are left to process the fallout, often without the empathy or support typically offered to younger children.

Here are some of the unique challenges they face:

1. Shock and Disbelief

Many adult children see their parents’ long marriage as a cornerstone of their own stability. When that foundation crumbles, it can shake their assumptions about love, longevity, and even their own relationships. “They were together for 30 years—if they couldn’t make it, who can?”

2. Caught in the Middle

Unlike young children, adult children may be expected to take sides, serve as confidants, or even manage logistics—like helping one parent move. It’s emotionally taxing and can strain their relationships with one or both parents.

3. Delayed Grief

The grief of gray divorce often arrives slowly. Initially, adult children may appear stoic or “fine,” when in actuality they are shocked and numb. Later, they may feel angry about the loss of the support system they relied upon or the stability of the family home.

4. Redefining Family Traditions

Gray divorce changes the definition of their family and often disrupts long-held family routines: joint holidays, shared vacations, or regular Sunday dinners. Adult children may feel pressure to “split time” or act as peacekeepers, which can take the joy out of these gatherings.

5. Financial and Legal Entanglements

Divorce late in life often includes the division of retirement assets, wills, and property. Adult children may worry about the financial well-being of their parents—or be directly impacted by changes in inheritance, caregiving responsibilities, or long-term planning.

How Can Mediation Help?

In mediation, families can discuss these feelings and work together to create support systems for the divorcing couple as well as their adult children thereby reducing the long-term emotional impact on adult children.